Politics
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President Donald Trump Turns 2025 Presidential Address to Joint Session of Congress Into a Game Show; Some Receive Gifts, Others Escorted Out
March 4, 2025 WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning break from tradition, President Donald Trump’s 2025 Presidential Address to the Joint Session of Congress was transformed into an elaborate game show spectacle, leaving both lawmakers and viewers in equal parts confused and “entertained.” As the president took the podium, instead of the usual sober tone, Read more
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Trump Preps for 2025 State of the Union by Watching the Home Shopping Network, Sources Confirm
March 4, 2025 Washington, D.C. – In what can only be described as a highly unconventional approach to preparing for one of the most important speeches of his presidency, former President Donald Trump has reportedly been spending his evenings tuning into the Home Shopping Network (HSN) to “study the art of persuasion” in anticipation of Read more
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Marco Rubio Has Brief “Get Out”-Style Moment, Wants to Warn America During Trump’s Zelensky Ambush
WASHINGTON D.C.— In an absolutely surreal scene reminiscent of Get Out, Marco Rubio reportedly had a moment of deep, existential crisis Friday as he witnessed the embarrassing spectacle of Donald Trump and his loyal cronies attacking Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky during a meeting at the White House. Rubio, often considered a stalwart defender of the Read more
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President Trump Reveals He is Descendant of Pigs, Will Only Respond to “King Pig
In an announcement that stunned the nation, President Donald Trump revealed today that he is a direct descendant of pigs and will henceforth only be referred to as “King Pig.” The press conference, held in the Rose Garden, saw Trump strut to the podium with an air of regal arrogance, sporting an extravagant new crown Read more
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Trump Boasts About Being the Toughest Man in the World, Declares America Was ‘Crap’ Until He Became President
In an exclusive interview on Fox News this morning, former President Donald Trump, speaking with his signature flair, declared that he is the “toughest man” alive and that America was “absolute crap” before he became President. “Let’s be honest, folks,” Trump said, adjusting his tie, which he insisted was “the best tie, absolutely the best, Read more
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Trump Administration Calls on the UN to Stop Hurting Russia’s Feelings: “They’re Just Trying to Live Their Best Life!”
WASHINGTON In an unprecedented diplomatic move, the Trump administration has formally requested the United Nations to cease its “unnecessary and hurtful” criticisms of Russia, claiming that the country’s feelings have been “severely damaged” by ongoing global scrutiny. “We can all agree that Russia is just trying to live its best life, and for some reason, Read more
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Religious Leaders Declare “Once in a Lifetime” Was a Prophecy for The Trump Apocalypse of America
In a stunning revelation this week, a growing coalition of religious leaders have come together to announce that The Talking Heads’ iconic 1980s album “Same as It Ever Was”—specifically the track “Once in a Lifetime”—was, in fact, an ancient prophecy foretelling the rise of Donald Trump and the subsequent era of chaos that would follow. Read more
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OPINION: From Roosevelt to Reality TV: How America Went from a Fearless Rough Rider to a Big, Fat Cowardly Orange Man in the White House
In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, America had Teddy Roosevelt, a man whose testosterone was so high it practically oozed out of his pores and made him immune to basic human frailty like “fatigue” or “being afraid.” Known for his Rough Rider spirit, Roosevelt charged into battle, built the Panama Canal with nothing Read more
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Elon Musk Gives Federal Workers One More Chance to Have the Special Opportunity to Come Rub His Feet: “It’s the Chance of a Lifetime! These Feet Are Like Gold!”
In an unprecedented move that’s leaving Washington buzzing, tech mogul, head of DOGE and billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has announced that federal employees will once again have a rare chance to personally visit him and rub his feet. Musk, known for his unconventional antics, says this is not just any foot massage — it’s a Read more
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Trump Administration Bans Snow in America, Claims It Has Become Woke: “We Must Protect Our Children. Snow is White. It Needs to Be Proud to Be White and Remain White.”
In an unexpected move, the Trump administration has announced an executive order banning snow across the United States, claiming that the once-pure and “patriotic” snow has become “woke” and is threatening the moral fabric of the nation. “It’s no secret snow has changed,” said President Donald Trump during a brief address at his Mar-a-Lago resort, Read more
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