News
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Breaking: World’s Top Historians Engage in All-Out Rumble After One Man Claims Today’s Historians Express Personal Beliefs Over Facts
March 16, 2025 – In a stunning turn of events, historians from around the globe descended into a full-blown brawl after a bold claim by one of their own — that modern historians no longer adhere to the rigid discipline of reporting facts and evidence, but instead inject their personal beliefs and opinions into their Read more
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O, Chuck! What Do We Do Now?
Charlie Brown Schumer, Peppermint Patty AOC, and Lucy Trump in the Great Government Shutdown Debate March 15, 2025 WASHINGTON, D.C. – The halls of Congress turned into a Peanuts comic strip this week as Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (a.k.a. Charlie Brown) once again found himself caught between a rock, a hard place, and a Read more
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BREAKING: New Study Finds Majority of Humanity Is “Crazy” and Suffering from Extreme Social Emotional Disturbance, Experts Say
In a groundbreaking study just published in Science, researchers have revealed a shocking truth: the majority of human beings currently living on Earth are “crazy”—or, as the scientific community has more formally put it, suffering from acute psychological impairments and extreme, violent social emotional disabilities. The study, led by Dr. Herman Flicker, a leading psychologist Read more
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Teachers Stunned After Reviewing Data, Conclude “Today’s Students Are Just Not Intelligent”
In a shocking revelation, educators across the nation are reeling after a deep dive into recently compiled data, with results that can only be described as “concerning.” After months of rigorous analysis, educational professionals have come to a harrowing conclusion: today’s students are, quite simply, not intelligent. “Honestly, it’s asking our educators to teach a Read more
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Story Time: The Dumpster King
By: The Story Time Storytellers Once upon a time, in a world not too different from our own, there was a man whose name we shall not use. Instead we will refer to him as the title he was eventually given and is now remembered for all time: The Dumpster King. He was born into Read more
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Breaking News: Adrien Brody Still Delivering 2025 Academy Award Acceptance Speech, AI Called In to “Wrap It Up”
Los Angeles, CA — In an unprecedented turn of events at the 2025 Academy Awards, multiple reports confirm that actor Adrien Brody is still on stage delivering his acceptance speech for Best Actor. As of this report, Brody has been speaking uninterrupted for over six days, much to the confusion and disbelief of both the Read more
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SPORTS – Breaking News: LeBron James Hires Private Investigators, Discovers Stephen A. Smith is a Tiny Troll Sent to Agitate NBA Players and Fans
In an unprecedented turn of events, sources have confirmed that LeBron James has employed a team of private investigators, who uncovered startling evidence: ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith is not, in fact, a basketball analyst—he is a tiny troll that dug his way out of the depths of the Earth, specifically to stir up controversy and Read more
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Poetry: The Fall of the Republic
The Fall of the Republic By a lost & recovering American Once, the land of dreams stood tall,A beacon bright for one and all,Where voices roared in freedom’s name,And justice burned with steady flame. But whispers crept through circuits wide,Where truth and lies could now collide,A silent hand began to steer,A shadow rising, drawing near. Read more
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Top 10 Signs That Your Country Is Becoming an Authoritarian-Fascist Regime
By: Just In Case You Haven’t Noticed The signs of an authoritarian or fascist regime can be subtle at first. However, as the government tightens its grip, there are some undeniable signals that might make you think, “Hey, this seems a little off.” Here’s your guide to recognizing the signs that your country might be Read more
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