Federal Government
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O, Chuck! What Do We Do Now?
Charlie Brown Schumer, Peppermint Patty AOC, and Lucy Trump in the Great Government Shutdown Debate March 15, 2025 WASHINGTON, D.C. – The halls of Congress turned into a Peanuts comic strip this week as Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (a.k.a. Charlie Brown) once again found himself caught between a rock, a hard place, and a Read more
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BREAKING: New Study Finds Majority of Humanity Is “Crazy” and Suffering from Extreme Social Emotional Disturbance, Experts Say
In a groundbreaking study just published in Science, researchers have revealed a shocking truth: the majority of human beings currently living on Earth are “crazy”—or, as the scientific community has more formally put it, suffering from acute psychological impairments and extreme, violent social emotional disabilities. The study, led by Dr. Herman Flicker, a leading psychologist Read more
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Teachers Stunned After Reviewing Data, Conclude “Today’s Students Are Just Not Intelligent”
In a shocking revelation, educators across the nation are reeling after a deep dive into recently compiled data, with results that can only be described as “concerning.” After months of rigorous analysis, educational professionals have come to a harrowing conclusion: today’s students are, quite simply, not intelligent. “Honestly, it’s asking our educators to teach a Read more
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Top 10 Signs That Your Country Is Becoming an Authoritarian-Fascist Regime
By: Just In Case You Haven’t Noticed The signs of an authoritarian or fascist regime can be subtle at first. However, as the government tightens its grip, there are some undeniable signals that might make you think, “Hey, this seems a little off.” Here’s your guide to recognizing the signs that your country might be Read more
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OPINION: From Roosevelt to Reality TV: How America Went from a Fearless Rough Rider to a Big, Fat Cowardly Orange Man in the White House
In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, America had Teddy Roosevelt, a man whose testosterone was so high it practically oozed out of his pores and made him immune to basic human frailty like “fatigue” or “being afraid.” Known for his Rough Rider spirit, Roosevelt charged into battle, built the Panama Canal with nothing Read more
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Elon Musk Gives Federal Workers One More Chance to Have the Special Opportunity to Come Rub His Feet: “It’s the Chance of a Lifetime! These Feet Are Like Gold!”
In an unprecedented move that’s leaving Washington buzzing, tech mogul, head of DOGE and billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has announced that federal employees will once again have a rare chance to personally visit him and rub his feet. Musk, known for his unconventional antics, says this is not just any foot massage — it’s a Read more
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President Trump Signs Executive Order Mandating Pet Owners to Turn in Animals for National Sustenance
Washington D.C. — In an unprecedented move, President Donald Trump has signed an executive order that requires all pet owners to turn in their beloved animals—be they cats, dogs, guinea pigs, rabbits, or even horses—so they may be used to help feed the nation. The order, called “Feed America, Again,” has sparked a nationwide outcry, Read more
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Elon Musk’s DOGE Now Requires Federal Workers to Log Bathroom Breaks, Docking Pay to “Save Taxpayer Money”
Washington, D.C. — In an unprecedented move to “maximize productivity and save taxpayer dollars,” Elon Musk announced today that federal employees are now required to log their bathroom breaks using a new DOGE-powered app. According to Musk, this measure is part of his latest initiative to reduce government spending. “Every minute spent away from the Read more
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