Business
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Trump Preps for 2025 State of the Union by Watching the Home Shopping Network, Sources Confirm
March 4, 2025 Washington, D.C. – In what can only be described as a highly unconventional approach to preparing for one of the most important speeches of his presidency, former President Donald Trump has reportedly been spending his evenings tuning into the Home Shopping Network (HSN) to “study the art of persuasion” in anticipation of Read more
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OPINION: From Roosevelt to Reality TV: How America Went from a Fearless Rough Rider to a Big, Fat Cowardly Orange Man in the White House
In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, America had Teddy Roosevelt, a man whose testosterone was so high it practically oozed out of his pores and made him immune to basic human frailty like “fatigue” or “being afraid.” Known for his Rough Rider spirit, Roosevelt charged into battle, built the Panama Canal with nothing Read more
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Elon Musk Gives Federal Workers One More Chance to Have the Special Opportunity to Come Rub His Feet: “It’s the Chance of a Lifetime! These Feet Are Like Gold!”
In an unprecedented move that’s leaving Washington buzzing, tech mogul, head of DOGE and billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has announced that federal employees will once again have a rare chance to personally visit him and rub his feet. Musk, known for his unconventional antics, says this is not just any foot massage — it’s a Read more
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President Trump Signs Executive Order Mandating Pet Owners to Turn in Animals for National Sustenance
Washington D.C. — In an unprecedented move, President Donald Trump has signed an executive order that requires all pet owners to turn in their beloved animals—be they cats, dogs, guinea pigs, rabbits, or even horses—so they may be used to help feed the nation. The order, called “Feed America, Again,” has sparked a nationwide outcry, Read more
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Trump Announces New Line of Diapers for Elderly Billionaires: “The Future of Comfort”
February 24, 2025 — In a move that has left both supporters and critics scratching their heads, President Donald Trump has announced the launch of a new product line designed specifically for elderly billionaires: luxury diapers. The new brand, dubbed “TrumPants,” promises to offer unparalleled comfort and convenience for the wealthiest of Americans. “Let me Read more