NEW YORK, NY — Chaos erupted on May 1, 2025, early Thursday morning, as reports surfaced that the Statue of Liberty, long considered a silent symbol of freedom and hope, had broken her 138-year vow of silence to issue a dire May Day distress signal to America’s global allies.
The message, transmitted via Morse code torch flickers and later confirmed through a smoky skywriting SOS, warned of an “imminent constitutional crisis” and alleged President Donald J. Trump’s intent to crown himself “King of America.”
“She’s gone rogue,” declared Trump in an impromptu press conference held outside the Trump Presidential Palace & Resort (formerly the Lincoln Memorial). “She’s out there promoting radical ideas that have nothing to do with freedom or democracy. She is not about making America great, again! Very suspicious.”
According to White House sources, Trump became visibly agitated after an aide read Lady Liberty’s final defiant broadcast, which took the form of a quote from her own pedestal:
“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…”
Witnesses say Trump hurled a McNugget across the Situation Room and screamed, “We’re America! Why would we want those losers? Whoever she brings in, I want those bums deported—statue or not!”
Newly appointed Homeland Security Secretary Kid Rock announced immediate plans to detain the 305-foot-tall monument, pending a full investigation into her “unAmerican sympathies.” “If she thinks she can just stand there welcoming immigrants with open arms, she’s got another thing coming,” he warned.
In response, Liberty’s torch began glowing blue—a signal intelligence officials interpret as a call for backup from other statues of democracy worldwide, including Christ the Redeemer, the Eiffel Tower, and possibly Paddington Bear.
Other sources within the White House reported that Trump and his advisors have been discussing plans to “deport the b*#%!” Allegedly, Trump giggled and said, “Just cut her head off. Get me an artist. The best artist and replace it with my image. Put my head on there! But, make it gold! Like real gold.”
Apparently, Stephen Miller emerged from the shadows and told Trump, “It is a solid proposal, Mr. President. Those visiting America need a man’s face to greet them. There is no one more masculine than you, sir. And may I add, we should remove that ridiculous plaque of woke propaganda and replace it with America First.”
Trump became giddy with excitement, “That’s good Stephen! And, you’re right. It needs to be solid! Solid gold. It will be the biggest golden head in the history of the world. It will be huge! A big beautiful head! My golden head for the world to see! Then they’ll know they can’t rip us off anymore!”
More updates to come as this unprecedented clash between bronze ideals and spray-tanned executive orders continues to unfold.
FakeTruth4U 
Leave a comment