Trump Doesn’t Understand Why the World Doesn’t Understand That He Is “The Smartest Man in the World”

PALM BEACH, FL — In a baffling moment of self-reflection Tuesday, President Donald J. Trump expressed deep confusion over why the global population has failed to universally recognize him as, in his words, “the smartest, most intelligent, most genius man who’s ever lived, possibly ever.”

“I don’t get it,” Trump said, speaking to reporters from a solid gold chaise lounge at Mar-a-Lago, flanked by three framed Time Magazine covers of himself. “I solved North Korea, I cured COVID, I’m saving trillions of dollars for the people of this great country and I single-handedly invented amazing American vaccines, which some people don’t want to talk about. Why aren’t people calling me Professor Trump, or Doctor Genius Trump, or Einstein 2.0? That’s what they should be calling me. Many people are saying that.”

Trump, who once claimed windmills cause cancer and that injecting bleach might be “something to look into,” went on to cite “the sheer brilliance” of his 2017 Sharpie-modified hurricane map as “proof that [he] sees weather patterns regular scientists can’t even dream of.”

Sources close to the former president say he recently requested that aides create a “Trump IQ chart” comparing him favorably to history’s great minds, including Da Vinci, Galileo, and “that math guy from Good Will Hunting.”

“I have the best brain,” Trump said. “Doctors look at my brain and say, ‘Sir, we’ve never seen anything like it.’ It’s like a beautiful brain. Like a brain made of marble and cheeseburgers. Everyone’s jealous of it.”

Political analysts suggest Trump’s struggle may stem from the fact that intelligence is generally measured through knowledge, reasoning, and the ability to form coherent sentences — metrics he has famously challenged during his many public appearances.

“Frankly, I’m the only one who could solve world peace using only a golf cart, my Truth Social account, and two Big Macs,” Trump added before abruptly ending the interview to go argue with a seagull that he insisted was “the remains of a deep state drone.”

At press time, Trump was reportedly drafting a new social media post reading: “If I’m not the smartest man alive, how come I always win arguments with myself?”