BREAKING: President Trump and Elon Musk Seen at the White House Literally Eating the Constitution During Banquet

Washington D.C. – In a truly bizarre turn of events, President Donald Trump and tech mogul turned DOGE emperor Elon Musk were spotted at a lavish White House banquet on Tuesday evening, reportedly enjoying a dish that could only be described as “founding fathers’ cuisine.” Eyewitnesses claim the two men were seen hungrily consuming what appeared to be an actual, fully intact copy of the U.S. Constitution.

The banquet, held in honor of “Innovation and Leadership in the 21st Century,” took an unexpected turn when Musk, holding a fork in one hand and a glass of Diet Coke in the other, turned to Trump and said, “You know what’s really revolutionary? Eating democracy.”

Sources confirm that, in a gesture of bold defiance to the norms of the establishment, Trump and Musk began tearing into the historical document like a pair of college students sharing a pizza. “The flavor’s incredible,” Musk reportedly said between bites. “I always knew the Constitution was full of potential. But this? Pure genius.”

A stunned guest, who requested anonymity, described the scene as “surreal.” “It was like watching someone eat the Mona Lisa… but, you know, with a side of ranch dressing.”

The menu for the evening had been traditionally American, featuring a variety of appetizers, including mini hot dogs and patriotic fruit salads, but nothing seemed to top the “Constitution à la mode” course, which was prepared by an unnamed chef who, according to insiders, had “accidentally mixed up the banquet’s theme with a few too many conspiracy theories.”

At one point during the event, Trump was overheard saying, “They’re just words on paper, folks. Words that need to be… digested. Bigly.” Meanwhile, Musk took to X (of course) to announce, “Eating the Constitution. Big step for tech, big step for freedom. #NextLevelInnovation.”

The evening took a brief pause when Vice President JD Vance entered the room and expressed his shock, telling the duo, “That’s not exactly what I had in mind when I said we should preserve the Constitution.” Musk, unperturbed, offered him a bite, which Vance, excited to be included, rushed over and began nibbling like a malnourished rat. Trump, however, was not amused and shouted to his Number 2, “Get back in your box, Box Boy!” At which point, Little JD scurried to a corner, where there was an actual box for him to crawl in and remain out of view public view.

As for what happens next, the White House has confirmed the Constitution is, in fact, being replaced by a “revised and even better digital copy… digital gold, I’m told” and will be “back in full working order by next week.” Experts are divided, with some wondering whether the Constitution will still be as effective after such an… unusual treatment.

In the end, Trump and Musk raised their glasses in a toast. “To the Constitution,” Trump proclaimed. “It’s always been a bit too crunchy for my taste, but tonight, we proved it’s really something to sink your teeth into.” Musk responded with, “To The Dark Enlightenment! The collapse of The Cathedral. And, the rise of beautiful algorithms and my true little baby: accelerated artificial intelligence!”

At press time, both men were reportedly negotiating a new cryptocurrency called “ConstitutionCoin,” which is said to be backed by both freedom and an overwhelming desire for more cheese. Musk was coy with reporters and stated, “It will be two things all at once: digital and edible.” Trump smiled and stared off into the distance.