Moscow, Russia – In what some are calling an awkward international diplomatic moment, President Donald Trump was reportedly left waiting on hold during a scheduled call with Russian President Vladimir Putin, as Putin and his staff were busy engaging in “lighthearted banter” in his Moscow war room. Sources close to the situation have revealed that, while Trump stewed in silence on the line, Putin and his aides could be heard laughing and joking about Trump’s “plump little puppet” dancing for their amusement.
“Trump was on the line, but it was clear Putin wasn’t in a hurry to pick up,” said an anonymous White House source. “It was like one of those ‘please leave a message after the beep’ moments, except the beep was just endless Russian music and Putin’s laughter echoing through the phone.”
According to reports, while Trump fidgeted in the waiting room of geopolitical calls, Putin was reportedly busy cracking jokes with his advisors, who were apparently gathered in what can only be described as a “tactical theater of the absurd.”
At one point, insiders say, Putin was heard saying, “Ah, our plump little puppet is still on hold. I hope he’s practicing his special dance for when I finally pick up. Such a spectacle!” A burst of laughter from the background followed, with one aide reportedly chiming in, “He’ll have to stretch first, Vladimir. Those dance steps get harder for a saggy bag of dust.”
Sources close to Trump report that the president, who had been expecting a direct, no-nonsense conversation with Putin, was visibly frustrated. “I don’t even know if he’s still listening,” Trump allegedly muttered. “Does he not understand how important I am? Or, what this call means? It’s about winning. I’m a winner, folks. I need to talk to Putin now!”
As the minutes dragged on, it is said that Trump repeatedly attempted to re-engage the call, only to be met with nothing but dead air and distant sounds of Russian laughter. “I was there for a solid 20 minutes,” Trump later told close family members and staff. “It was like trying to talk to a wall, except the wall kept moving around. I hear laughter, and I’m just sitting there thinking, ‘Doesn’t he realize he has the most important man in the world on the phone?’”
Putin, who is rumored to have been in high spirits after a recent series of successful political maneuvers and Ukrainian skirmishes, finally answered the call. The conversation, however, quickly took an unexpected turn.
According to sources within the Kremlin, Putin greeted Trump with a jovial, “Ah, my favorite little puppet. I hope you’ve been practicing your routine. We should schedule the next dance performance soon, no?” Trump, apparently taken aback, responded, “I’m not a puppet, Vladimir. I’m a businessman, and I don’t dance unless I’m in charge.” Of which Putin reportedly responded with, “Of course you charge. And, don’t you worry my little Pinocchio. You will be paid. Don’t tear up while you’re dancing so well for us. Stay on the dance floor.”
A Kremlin spokesperson later downplayed the exchange, claiming it was a “jovial conversation between two longtime friends” and that “no one was actually calling anyone a puppet.”
Despite the seemingly friendly back-and-forth, sources within both the Kremlin and the White House suggest that the tone of the call was less than productive, with Trump largely left in the dark about key international issues.
“Look, they weren’t even talking about world peace or trade deals,” said an anonymous advisor. “It was just Putin having fun with his favorite ‘little puppet.’ I’m sure Trump felt like a clown at the circus, but Putin was the one pulling the strings.”
As of press time, Trump is reportedly in talks to schedule another call with Putin, though there is speculation that Putin might first ask for a “refund on the puppet show tickets.”
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