Trump Administration Calls on the UN to Stop Hurting Russia’s Feelings: “They’re Just Trying to Live Their Best Life!”

WASHINGTON

In an unprecedented diplomatic move, the Trump administration has formally requested the United Nations to cease its “unnecessary and hurtful” criticisms of Russia, claiming that the country’s feelings have been “severely damaged” by ongoing global scrutiny.

“We can all agree that Russia is just trying to live its best life, and for some reason, the UN keeps bullying them,” said an anonymous White House spokesperson, speaking from a bunker under the guise of national security concerns. “We need to show empathy and understanding. Russia has feelings too, and right now they’re hurting. The insensitive words being hurled at them… It’s traumatic. We’re just asking the UN to lay off a little, alright?”

The call for diplomacy came after the latest round of UN sanctions, which were imposed after Russia’s alleged interference in global elections, expansionist behavior in Eastern Europe, and a troubling fondness for international conflict. According to the Trump administration, these actions are simply “misunderstood” and, in many cases, “just Russia being Russia.”

President Donald Trump, a noted ally of Russian President Vladimir Putin, issued a statement on social media, declaring, “Russia is misunderstood. They’re just trying to be themselves, and the UN needs to stop being so harsh. When you’ve been around as long as Putin, you deserve some space to make mistakes — maybe even invade a little bit. It’s what strong countries do.”

In a pointed post via Truth Social, Trump further elaborated: “The UN should focus on the real problems, like how China isn’t inviting us to their karaoke parties. We have the best singers. Seriously, the greatest. We belong at that party. That’s what America is all about! The parties! And peace. We bring the peace. I’m the best at peace. I am peace. Russia is a big guy with big feelings, and we need to respect that. Period.”

The request has sparked outrage from multiple corners of the globe, with leaders expressing disbelief at the suggestion. “Are we seriously here?” said an anonymous German delegate. “This is a world leader asking the UN to stop ‘hurting’ a country’s ’feelings’ that has repeatedly violated international law. What’s next? A ‘Free Russia’ parade in New York?”

In Russia, Putin has reportedly been thrilled by the support. Speaking from a lavishly decorated Kremlin ballroom, the Russian president thanked the Trump administration for its “unwavering commitment” to ensuring Russia “can do whatever it wants without feeling bad about it.”

“America understands that it’s not about right or wrong,” Putin said, sipping from a cup of tea that may or may not have been spiked with vodka. “It’s about power and feelings. The UN doesn’t have to love us. They just need to stop making us feel like we’re the bad guys. We’ve been through enough.”

Despite international criticism, the Trump administration has doubled down on its request, framing the issue as one of global kindness and diplomacy. “It’s not about politics,” said the spokesperson. “It’s about giving Russia a hug. They’ve been through a lot, from sanctions to accusations. Can’t we just let them have a moment to breathe? Sometimes, world peace starts with not hurting people’s feelings and looking the other way.”

The UN, meanwhile, has not responded directly to the request but is expected to hold a session later this week where, as sarcastically stated by an anonymous official, diplomats will discuss the possibility of offering Russia a “global apology card,” complete with glitter and a “We’re Sorry, Russia!” banner.

As of now, Russia continues to do what Russia does best: existing on the world stage while the Trump administration advocates for their emotional well-being. The situation remains fluid, with the only certainty being that feelings are, indeed, running high and Trump will always be there with a shoulder for Russia to cry on.