Elon Musk Gives Federal Workers One More Chance to Have the Special Opportunity to Come Rub His Feet: “It’s the Chance of a Lifetime! These Feet Are Like Gold!”

In an unprecedented move that’s leaving Washington buzzing, tech mogul, head of DOGE and billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk has announced that federal employees will once again have a rare chance to personally visit him and rub his feet. Musk, known for his unconventional antics, says this is not just any foot massage — it’s a “once-in-a-lifetime experience.”

“It’s truly a magical opportunity,” Musk said in an X post early this morning, alongside a video of his feet being pampered by a team of personal foot attendants. “These feet are like gold. Like actual gold. The touch of a genius. If you think working for the government is important, just wait until you feel what it’s like to knead the very feet that will shape the future of humanity.”

In a press release, Musk emphasized that this exclusive event would allow workers to “experience history in the making” while bonding with him on a level that goes beyond corporate meetings, tech talks, space exploration, or DOGE-y dreams. “You haven’t truly lived until you’ve been in the same room as my feet. They’re absolutely iconic,” he added.

Musk continued, “Think of all the things you could do in Washington — write policy, debate tax law — but nothing compares to rubbing the feet of a man who’s sending people to Mars. It’s the pinnacle of human achievement.”

Federal employees are reportedly both confused and curious about the offer, with many wondering whether Musk will offer any sort of compensation beyond the chance to touch his feet. “I’m just trying to figure out if this is part of a stimulus package or some weird tech startup incentive,” said one anonymous employee. “But, I’ll admit, there’s a certain intrigue about it.”

However, another anonymous employee was quick to say, “There isn’t enough money in the world to get me to even think about touching that [expletive]’s feet.”

Despite the controversy surrounding his bold claim, Musk assured attendees that “all the appropriate safety protocols” would be followed. “Don’t worry, these feet are fully sanitized,” he said. “They’ve been through a rigorous cleaning process. NASA and SpaceX-approved.”

In typical Musk fashion, he finished his announcement with a cryptic post: “Anyone who rubs my feet will be given exclusive access to the ‘Musk-verse.’ You’ll never know what happens next.”

As the nation watches, many are left wondering: Will this be a new chapter in federal employee engagement, or just another strange Musk publicity stunt? Only time will tell — but one thing’s for sure: money continues to allow billionaires to do things few others could dream of (or even want to dream of).