President Trump Signs Executive Order Requiring Those Who Can’t Afford Medication to Battle for It in Arena-Style Combat

Washington, D.C. — In a move that has left the nation both confused and horrified, President Trump signed an executive order this week mandating that Americans who cannot afford their prescription medication will now be required to ‘fight for their survival’ in an arena similar to the one seen in the 1985 film Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome.

‘If you can’t afford insulin or heart medication, well, you’re going to have to show you really want it,’ Trump said in a brief press conference following the signing. ‘We’ve got Thunderdome-style arenas popping up all over the country. You’ll fight, you’ll earn it, and you’ll be better for it.’

The executive order outlines that individuals who meet specific financial thresholds will now be forced to engage in a one-on-one, winner-takes-all combat to claim their medication. ‘Two men enter, one man leaves… with a prescription,’ the order reads, borrowing a line from the iconic movie franchise.

Critics have called the measure ‘incredibly dystopian’ and ‘a horrific mockery of basic human rights,’ but the administration insists it will encourage personal responsibility and create a more ‘self-reliant’ citizenry.

‘It’s time for people to take ownership of their health in a very literal way,’ the President stated on Truth Social, following up with a meme of himself in Mad Max garb holding a bottle of pills.”