NEW YORK, NY — In a bold move that is both undeniably Trumpian and guaranteed to spark nationwide debate, President Donald Trump unveiled a new educational reform plan on Thursday that would make McDonald’s the official lunch provider for all public schools across the United States. The proposal, titled “Big Macs for Big Wins,” promises to deliver “the best lunches ever” to students while “making school meals great again.”
“Let’s face it, folks, we’ve been doing school lunch all wrong for decades,” Trump said during a live-streamed press conference, standing behind a McDonald’s-themed podium surrounded by golden arches. “We’ve had vegetables. We’ve had bland sandwiches. And the milk—ugh, the milk! Terrible. But McDonald’s? Now that’s a winner. They know how to make a meal. And let’s be honest, they’ve been winning for decades.”
According to Trump, the new plan would phase out existing school lunch programs and replace them with an exclusive partnership between public schools and McDonald’s. Under the plan, students would receive their choice of a Happy Meal, McNuggets, or a classic Big Mac with fries, all served with the option of a soda, “because kids love soda, and it’s about time we stop pretending they don’t.”
“I’ve been eating McDonald’s my whole life, and let me tell you, it’s the best. It’s the food of champions,” Trump added. “I’ve had more McDonald’s than any president, and I’m the healthiest guy you’ll ever meet. If anyone knows what’s good for America, it’s me, and McDonald’s.”
The proposal has sent shockwaves through the education community. Critics argue that the plan is, at best, a misguided attempt to mix fast food with the fundamental needs of a balanced diet and, at worst, a cynical move to curry favor with a major corporation.
“This is a complete disaster,” said Dr. Linda Harper, a nutrition expert at the American School Nutrition Association. “Children need a variety of foods to grow strong, not just Big Macs and fries. If this plan passes, we could see an entire generation of students who can’t tell the difference between a carrot and a chicken nugget.”
But Trump remains confident in his plan, citing a recent survey conducted by his campaign team, which claimed that “88% of students would prefer McDonald’s over anything served in their cafeteria.” When pressed on the methodology, Trump simply shrugged and added, “It’s a huge survey. Believe me, I know surveys.”
In addition to his nutritional claims, Trump emphasized the “economic potential” of the deal, suggesting that a McDonald’s partnership would lead to “thousands of jobs, more jobs than you’ve ever seen” for school employees, including positions like “McDonald’s Lunch Specialist” and “Chief Nugget Coordinator.” The plan, he said, would also stimulate the economy by getting kids “hooked on the best meal they’ll ever have.”
To ensure the plan’s success, Trump also proposed the idea of a new grading system, where schools would be rated on how many Happy Meals they served instead of academic performance. “Who needs SATs when we have the *Big Mac Test*?” Trump quipped. “The only test that matters is: Is your school giving out the best lunches or not? If the answer is McDonald’s, you’re winning. If not, you’re a loser.”
While many school officials are unsure how to react to the news, some are cautiously optimistic. “It’s certainly a big change,” said Diane Lee, a middle school principal in Texas. “But, honestly, it’s hard to argue with the idea of not having to make lunch anymore. I’m just hoping we can still get our fries delivered warm. McDonald’s might need to step up their game in logistics, but we’ll see.”
The proposal has already sparked heated debate across the political spectrum. Some Republicans are praising the plan as a “bold move” that cuts through “bureaucratic red tape,” while Democrats are scrambling to respond to what many have called “the most unsubtle campaign ad for a fast-food giant ever.”
However, Trump remains undeterred by the controversy. “I’m bringing the best food to schools, and the people love it,” he declared, holding up a tray of McNuggets like a prize. “No one’s ever done this before. Believe me, when this plan passes, it’ll be the biggest school lunch revolution the world has ever seen.”
As Trump’s proposal moves forward, public schools across the country are bracing for what could be the ultimate combination of fast food and education, unsure if their students will be smarter but definitely certain that their snack breaks will be legendary, as the obesity outbreak will most certainly rise to epic proportions.
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